On love, life and relationships…

isis

Veiled Auset (Isis) in her form as the Goddess of love

Living longer by loving

Part of a healthy life can include a loving relationship.  Studies show people that are in a loving relationship live longer.  A 1995 University of Chicago study suggests that men live, on average 10 years longer, than their unmarried counter parts and women live four years longer than their unmarried counterparts.  Yet, more importantly an Ohio State University study suggests HAPPY couples  produce lower levels of cortisol, but couples living in unhappy relationships produce higher levels of cortisol that impacts the immune system and they often face the risk of infectious disease as they age.  Cortisol is known as the “stress” hormone, that can increase blood pressure, blood sugar and can suppress your immune system reducing your ability to fight off diseases from a cold to cancer.

We all aspire to good health and many desire a rich and fulfilling relationship, someone to love.  What brings me to this thought process is a discussion on the Just Lisa blog on relationships and why people don’t tell someone, they may have romantic feelings towards, how they really feel and why they often “settle” for less than an ideal relationship.  Overwhelmingly, the consensus was people don’t express their real feelings due to the fear of rejection.

How to avoid rejection

Fear of rejection, is based, in part on non-communication and your own ego.  If this isn’t so, then why the fear?  Its important to become friends with a person of romantic interest, spending time talking and more importantly listening to the person with whom you have an interest.  Now, guys I know women (not all of them) often like to let you do most of the talking while they listen.  But, its equally important to emphasize that you would love to hear her views as well. 

Know yourself

Now, here is where its really important to have spent ample time with yourself to be aware of your likes and dislikes, know what you want and don’t want, to know what you can tolerate and can’t tolerate.  What, I’m pointing out is that you really have to know yourself, forgive yourself (thats a big one) and really love and appreciate yourself fully.  You can’t share love with someone else without first loving yourself.

Loving yourself

Learn who you really are by spending time with yourself and truly taking inventory of your life and past relationships.  Read books on bettering the self, love and relationships and implement what you learn.  Forgive yourself.  Its well that we forgive others for any trespasses they make against us, but we have to move forward in our lives and learn from our mistakes and forgive ourselves.  It took me many years to learn that I had the ability to forgive myself, so that I could learn to love myself in order that I could love another again.  Forgiving yourself is a major step forward in learning to love yourself.  Now, when I talk about loving yourself I’m not talking about a self centered “its all about me” attitude, but learning to appreciate who you are, your personal acheivments, and your ability to give love.  Loving yourself can produce a happiness with self that exudes and glows around you and in turn, will attract like mined people to you.  I think being happy with yourself will eliminate the fear of being alone the rest of your life, stopping the desire to settle for someone that’s not happy with themselves.  If you feel the need to settle you should take more time discovering your inner self.

Laying it all out

After spending time learning and loving yourself, and spending time with your potential “honey” its vital to express the things you know about yourself to her or him, specifically the things mentioned earlier concerning, your likes/dislikes, your toleration, your goals.  Be honest.  Be especially honest with yourself and totally honest with the other person about your concepts of life and relationships.  Now, here’s the rub.  You must be mindful that your personal standards will work with your potential partner’s understanding of relationships and life concepts.  Be honest right up front with the person if your standards don’t have a common ground, and don’t lie to yourself and try to tolerate something by lowering your standards in the hopes that “they’ll come around” to your thinking.  This is a recipe for disaster and  an unhappy relationship.  Remember the word relationship contains the word relate, and this is the purpose, to relate, and to find  common ground with a potential mate.

Common union

All humans require some form of relationship with other humans, even if they consider themselves loners.  In forming a relationship we really have to learn, love and forgive ourselves in order to build a bridge and a bond with another person.  By relating our feelings and knowledge of ourselves we’ll find  common ground, in essesnce building a common union, a common unity, a community of sorts with each other.  I’m hopeful this will bring about better life and better health and a much happier relationship.

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